The Drunk Santa Blog

The Confessions of A Spokesperson - III

Date : July 11^th 2008

As I lay on my bed, starring at the walls, I imagined what it would be like to be with someone for a night, I am not talking about a one night stand, though,well that’s not really a bad idea. Heck, I needed someone with me. Tom suggested me to register on various social-networking-dating sites. I, however was against the idea of dating some 60 year old hag with a fake allies on the Internet. I actually remember my co-worker Pete dating a girl on the Internet for a year, they said they loved each other. My theory was that love = bullcrap, the girl only wanted to have a boy toy and the guy wanted to get laid. Anyway, the girl stripped for him and shit on the web-camera, she didn’t happen to be Tina the friendly-outspoken girl she claimed to be, she happened to be Sofia, a porn star. Unexpected? For most people, yes.

I hugged my pillow and tried to think of things which weren’t related to me but I failed, I started thinking about this girl I know for quite a while, she was in a relationship, I smiled and tried to convince myself that even if she wasn’t in one she wouldn’t date me. And anyway, I was famous for breaking relationships as I was for being innovative. I was labeled as the ‘Marriage breaker’ in an issue of a gossip magazine, I remember laughing my ass of when I read that article, sadly the board of directors of my company didn’t think it was funny and they tried to suspend me, saying that I was a bad impression on the company. They tried to suspend me from my own start-up. I was however ended up not being suspended but had been ordered to spend three weeks in Mumbai, India. Why India? I don’t know, they wanted me to take a holiday in a far off eastern country, I assume.

The people of Mumbai were in a hurry, always. They were rude and arrogant, but that was justified. The low salary, the high inflation and the joint-family system contributed to make a man what he is in Mumbai. The long working hours, the famous local trains, the politics and the infrastructure were as bad as they could get, people were treated like animals here. Even though the man/woman of the house suffered so much here, they could still smile when they went home and talked to their family. It was a great thing, a huge thing actually. Ben, the person who was in in charge on the floor I was staying on, told me all that. I smiled and give him a small, 20 dollar tip. He grinned broadly and left to get me a pack of Dunhill Lights. I wasn’t a chain smoker, but I had a bad habit of smoking whenever I was out of Cupertino.

I decided to take a trip around Mumbai, I wanted to know about the place I was in. I hired a Honda Civic to roam around the city. The driver greeted me as I stepped outside the lobby of the hotel. He was an old man who had the habit of chewing beatle leaf. He took me to the famous places to visit in Mumbai, including the gateway of India and the Parliament House, which he told me was like the white house of India.

The sun had already disappeared from the sky and all that was left was a orange line on the blue canvas when I reached my room People say that this is God’s best painting. I say, if that’s a painting then God should have an exhibition at some art-gallery. You know people believe in God because they need something to believe in. We are weak, even the people who go around saying ‘Fuck Jesus..Satan is God’ believe in Satan. Those who say they are atheist are mostly lying to sound ‘cool’ I have been through all the stages of life, including the ‘God is great’ stage, the ‘Satan Rules’ stage and the ‘Fuck you all, I’m an atheist’ stage, but I finally decided to give in, I’m now a ’spiritual’ man. I guess some part of me always wanted to believe in something, but I was too delusional to listen to anything or anybody. Being an atheist was fun for a while, you know the whole ‘I don’t believe in anything’ was a good experience, but it got boring. I mean, okay so I know I don’t believe in anything but I need hope, some kind of hope which will tell me I’m gonna be fine. ‘Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane’

The suffering in my life was a revenge, from ‘God’ on how I treated Lilly, yeah. The painter never really liked me I guess. I had spoken to Lilly early last week and she went on to talk about how she still loved me, I wasn’t really all that surprised, I had to literally hang up on her to make her stop asking me if I hated her, the fact was I detested her.

I woke up to the noise of a crow in the balcony. Three weeks were gonna be over today, I said to myself, I am gonna get out of this cow-praying country. But something known as luck was against me, I personally never believed in luck, I always thought that luck was something which gave hope to people who have nothing to hope for. I was a looser, but I wasn’t desperate. But yes, luck was against me, my flight had been canceled due to a hurricane in Monterey. I was stuck at the airport for atleast 48 more hours.

Those 48 hours were probably the worst hours for most of the people who were traveling, for me it was the time when I got to know an amazing person called Molly, she lived in Cupertino too. It was looking at a mirror image of myself. At that moment I realized why I couldn’t be happy with Lilly it was because I didn’t think she was perfect, and the only person who I always thought was perfect is, well me and Molly was me, with huge breasts.

What now? Well, she has moved into my apartment, and we are in healthy relationship. I guess life always ends on a good note, though this is not the end but heck, atleast it’s a good note.

Note : This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events is entirely coincidental. My inspiration is the life of Steve and Jobs, my own life and the people around me. This was the last in the COAS squeal, hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

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