Posted by Pwnster on
July 13, 2008
The Confessions of A Spokesperson - III
Date : July 11th 2008
As I lay on my bed, starring at the walls, I imagined what it would be like to be with someone for a night, I am not talking about a one night stand, though,well that’s not really a bad idea. Heck, I needed someone with me. Tom suggested me to register on various social-networking-dating sites. I, however was against the idea of dating some 60 year old hag with a fake allies on the Internet. I actually remember my co-worker Pete dating a girl on the Internet for a year, they said they loved each other. My theory was that love = bullcrap, the girl only wanted to have a boy toy and the guy wanted to get laid. Anyway, the girl stripped for him and shit on the web-camera, she didn’t happen to be Tina the friendly-outspoken girl she claimed to be, she happened to be Sofia, a porn star. Unexpected? For most people, yes.
I hugged my pillow and tried to think of things which weren’t related to me but I failed, I started thinking about this girl I know for quite a while, she was in a relationship, I smiled and tried to convince myself that even if she wasn’t in one she wouldn’t date me. And anyway, I was famous for breaking relationships as I was for being innovative. I was labeled as the ‘Marriage breaker’ in an issue of a gossip magazine, I remember laughing my ass of when I read that article, sadly the board of directors of my company didn’t think it was funny and they tried to suspend me, saying that I was a bad impression on the company. They tried to suspend me from my own start-up. I was however ended up not being suspended but had been ordered to spend three weeks in Mumbai, India. Why India? I don’t know, they wanted me to take a holiday in a far off eastern country, I assume.
The people of Mumbai were in a hurry, always. They were rude and arrogant, but that was justified. The low salary, the high inflation and the joint-family system contributed to make a man what he is in Mumbai. The long working hours, the famous local trains, the politics and the infrastructure were as bad as they could get, people were treated like animals here. Even though the man/woman of the house suffered so much here, they could still smile when they went home and talked to their family. It was a great thing, a huge thing actually. Ben, the person who was in in charge on the floor I was staying on, told me all that. I smiled and give him a small, 20 dollar tip. He grinned broadly and left to get me a pack of Dunhill Lights. I wasn’t a chain smoker, but I had a bad habit of smoking whenever I was out of Cupertino.
I decided to take a trip around Mumbai, I wanted to know about the place I was in. I hired a Honda Civic to roam around the city. The driver greeted me as I stepped outside the lobby of the hotel. He was an old man who had the habit of chewing beatle leaf. He took me to the famous places to visit in Mumbai, including the gateway of India and the Parliament House, which he told me was like the white house of India.
The sun had already disappeared from the sky and all that was left was a orange line on the blue canvas when I reached my room People say that this is God’s best painting. I say, if that’s a painting then God should have an exhibition at some art-gallery. You know people believe in God because they need something to believe in. We are weak, even the people who go around saying ‘Fuck Jesus..Satan is God’ believe in Satan. Those who say they are atheist are mostly lying to sound ‘cool’ I have been through all the stages of life, including the ‘God is great’ stage, the ‘Satan Rules’ stage and the ‘Fuck you all, I’m an atheist’ stage, but I finally decided to give in, I’m now a ’spiritual’ man. I guess some part of me always wanted to believe in something, but I was too delusional to listen to anything or anybody. Being an atheist was fun for a while, you know the whole ‘I don’t believe in anything’ was a good experience, but it got boring. I mean, okay so I know I don’t believe in anything but I need hope, some kind of hope which will tell me I’m gonna be fine. ‘Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane’
The suffering in my life was a revenge, from ‘God’ on how I treated Lilly, yeah. The painter never really liked me I guess. I had spoken to Lilly early last week and she went on to talk about how she still loved me, I wasn’t really all that surprised, I had to literally hang up on her to make her stop asking me if I hated her, the fact was I detested her.
I woke up to the noise of a crow in the balcony. Three weeks were gonna be over today, I said to myself, I am gonna get out of this cow-praying country. But something known as luck was against me, I personally never believed in luck, I always thought that luck was something which gave hope to people who have nothing to hope for. I was a looser, but I wasn’t desperate. But yes, luck was against me, my flight had been canceled due to a hurricane in Monterey. I was stuck at the airport for atleast 48 more hours.
Those 48 hours were probably the worst hours for most of the people who were traveling, for me it was the time when I got to know an amazing person called Molly, she lived in Cupertino too. It was looking at a mirror image of myself. At that moment I realized why I couldn’t be happy with Lilly it was because I didn’t think she was perfect, and the only person who I always thought was perfect is, well me and Molly was me, with huge breasts.
What now? Well, she has moved into my apartment, and we are in healthy relationship. I guess life always ends on a good note, though this is not the end but heck, atleast it’s a good note.
Note : This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events is entirely coincidental. My inspiration is the life of Steve and Jobs, my own life and the people around me. This was the last in the COAS squeal, hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.
Posted by Pwnster on
June 26, 2008
The Confessions of A Spokesperson - II
Date: 29th June, 2008.
Things don’t really seem as they are, people are like things, they aren’t really what you think they are. I’ve learnt that the hard way. I have trusted, believed and got my back stabbed. Today, was the day I came into this world, forty years of torture and pain.
I remember this extract which my dad used to tell me when I was sixteen or so ‘One guy sitting in a bar said that life is hard, another guy sitting besides him said that it was never meant to be easy.’ When he told me that the first time, we had an argument on how life should be made easy. We ended up not talking for ten days. During those ten days, it felt so important of having this, this ego, and now it all seems petty.
Things which were so important to me, now seem to be of no value. They say that this happens when one is in love. I for one don’t believe in love. I remember telling my ex that, before I told her I loved her that is. It seems funny and maybe lame now, but I can’t really help it, sure I know that I am heartless git who doesn’t care about anyone else except myself. But that’s how the world works today. People leave their parents, I just left a girl. I guess, I’m probably saying that to make myself feel good, but as they say in those Orbit White commercials ‘It’s working.’
Speaking of commercials I was watching the 1984 commercial that day, and you know what, I still think it’s one of the best I have ever seen. I remember working hard on that, we actually worked hard more on the commercial then on the computer. Yeah, well that’s what people say. People actually say a lot of things, specially thanks to the Internet and these Web 2.0 mashups, rumors travel at the speed of light. I’ve been hooked with girls and guys, and even Michael Jackson. But what hurts is when the people who used to like you, now hate you or well make other people hate you. As they say ‘It’s strange how people react to stuff, it’s also strange when people don’t.’
Things are what people ‘love’. A girl who used to hate you a day ago, won’t love you today unless you have money. Money is power, it can make people lick your feet and also various other parts of your body. My dad always said that only money minded people think like that, but every person is indirectly money minded. I am not ashamed to admit it, but people are. If I was taking up a job, I would take up a job in the company which would pay me the most, even if I a day ago hated that company. I just have a questionable nature, I guess.
I don’t cut a cake with my family and friends on my birthday, I don’t get gifts from the people I invite to my party. Heck, I don’t even have a party, since I was a child, I was told not to waste money and spend it wisely, I remember cutting a slice of bread, because my dad well, didn’t get me a cake. I mean you know somewhere deep inside you always know that one day you will have to leave the small town to be something, It was the same for me, I just didn’t belong, I was an outcast in my own eyes, it felt pretty bad.
My dad, who had actually adopted me, gave me a hundred dollars when I left home at the age of seventeen. A hundred dollars, was like a huge thing back then, I remember going around and telling my friends about it. People said that I should face the world and be with the guy who had adopted me, I didn’t have a problem with that, I just didn’t want people judging me, about everything. In the big city, I knew that wouldn’t be a problem. I knew I could be anyone I wanted, I knew I could do whatever I wanted, without having to answer anyone. I kinda missed the normal teenage things which most people wish they missed. People say that I was the lucky one who got away, but getting away wasn’t as easy as it sounds. People say they miss the good old days, I say I don’t really miss the hardships and the bread with onions and ketchup part.
Sometimes when you have a family, you hate them, and when you don’t you miss them, It’s strange how life is. Some people get what others want but not what they don’t want, like me, I always wanted a family, I always wanted to get rid of the home-sickness feeling I always had bottled up inside me, but I didn’t. ‘Maybe that’s all that family really is, a group of people who all miss the same imaginary place.’
People say I am not original as I quote other people a lot. It’s actually that sometimes quotes can make it easy for people to express themselves, I am not expressive, I am mostly expressionless too. So, quotations really help people like me, but well people are always right, I really wish sometimes that I could think like them.
Some think they understand me, others say I need to get myself checked. But whenever I go on the stage and take out a new device from my Levi’s people applaud and scream, the board of directors actually had asked me to retire and rest with my near and dear ones for the rest of my life. I obviously refused that offer. That stage was and remains to be everything for me. It’s where I have expressions, it’s where I am like ‘the rest of them.’
Note : This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. My inspiration is the life of Steve and Jobs, my own life and the people around me. Oh and I’m still open to suggestions for the name of this character.
Posted by Pwnster on
June 19, 2008
The Confessions Of A Spokesperson - I
I stood there, waving, wondering and smiling, after each sentence I spoke, they clapped, they could clap forever, I guess, I was God for them. They looked at me with those curious eyes hoping that I would point my finger at them and call them on stage with me, sadly I didn’t like people, not a particular person but just people in general, but these guys could kill themselves for me if I asked them to.
And no, I wasn’t a rockstar nor was I in some kind of heavy metal band, I was just a spokesperson for a startup company with my friend, which turned into a multi-million dollar corporation. I wasn’t really happy that day, my girlfriend had my child, and it was all over the news, she had asked for money and I didn’t give her any, maybe I was wrong, but I am not ever gonna admit that I was, out loud. I was thinking of a name for her kid when this girl screamed from the audience. She had a shrilly voice, I shook my head and looked around, and there she was, wearing a black overall and a nice black cap to go with it, she smiled, at that moment, I thought I was in love. The keyword being here being: thought.
I met her quite a number of times at some coffee shops, her name was Lilly and she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen in my life, yeah well that’s what I told her, she wasn’t in any way what I liked about a lady, yet it seemed that I came more close to her as the days went by. After a long year I decided that she wasn’t the one and even if she was, I didn’t want to be with the one, at this moment of the my life, not because I couldn’t handle a relationship but because of something which I’ve yet to figure out, maybe it’ll be like one of those mysteries which a man will never be able to figure out.
I started hating everything about her, the love had disappeared and it was time to accept the fact, for me, I told her everything, and she came up with a question which really made me furious rather than sad, she asked me if I was in love with someone else/dating another woman.
This all happened when I was ‘fired’ from my own startup, at that point of the time, everything around me was crashing but I still don’t think I took the wrong choice when I told her it was over. While she went around bad mouthing me, I was more busy with other things, I built up another company, and it failed, the disappointment of of that and my poor health made me take a trip to the hospital. The doctor said I won’t live a happy life. I looked at him and told him that I was happy, I lied.
I got back to what I was after a few years, and it’s been a great journey since then, my company has never seen so much success, and I have never seen so much of innovation going on, one thing I don’t see is why I am still not happy, maybe because my goals are way outta my reach, maybe my nature of wanting more just doesn’t let me acquire anything, and just maybe I had everything I ever wanted in front of me, but I never realized that it was that I desired.
Note from the author : This story if a work of fiction, however the characters described in the post do bear some similarities, to real life people who exist in the world. This story has been completed in just two days, and it’s basically a mashup, i.e - It’s a story of two different individuals [I guess you can figure out who I'm talking about here. Hint : Steve Jobs, CEO/Spokesperson of Apple and Jayesh Bhagchandani Owner of TDS.] But the two individuals have been molded into one unique character. If this post is liked by people, then I might actually post ‘The Confessions of a Spokesperson’ regularly. Btw I am working on a name for this character, so suggestions are welcome.
Posted by Palak on
June 8, 2008
The ‘BEST’ ride ever
Have any of you guys experienced a bus ride in ‘Mumbai’ atleast once? I guess once is not enough, every time I travel in a bus is a whole new experience. In Mumbai the buses which are the easiest and cheapest way to travel through long distances is owned and operated by The Brihanmumbai Electric Supply & Transport Undertaking. The service called BEST Sure there can be a debate over the local trains versus the buses, but humans can travel through buses.
When you board a bus the T.C. (Ticket Conductor) usually asks where you’re headed, however most of them don’t bother even to ask that and you have to call him. Mind you, ticket conductors here are hotheads. When a passenger who is even willing to purchase a ticket doesn’t because the T.C. doesn’t bother, the T.C. grumbles “In logon ko toh conductor onke saamne khada chahiye” and here I do blame them. You guys (guys = T.C.s’ ofcourse!) are the T.C. Ticket Conductors for the love of God, the passenger couldn’t care less, he’ll be happy to save his money. Alright if some even dares to ask for the ticket, they start grumbling for change. If you have no change (which is mostly the case) then either he’ll ask for a rupee or so more or he’ll threaten you! Threaten being the keyword here, threaten you in the sense not kill you but threaten you that either he’ll give the change back if he gets some change from other passengers or he’ll say “Tikat pe likh ke denga” I haven’t interpreted that sentence well as yet but probably he means that the next time I travel I’ll just have to show that ticket, and I would have to just pay the difference if any. Yeah right it’s normal to just keep a small piece of paper safe, and what if I want that change now? What if I wanted to smoke ‘beedi’? Should I show that ticket to the beediwalla too? Is it the new Rupee?
Coming to the bus drivers I must say they are “hotterheads” as compared to the T.C.s and are more prone to get involved in conflicts. And here is a hilarious thing bus driver and T.C.s relationship is like a husband- wife’s because most of the times when drivers are involves in a conflict T.C.s play the wife’s part and cool down the driver. They also yell at the person who was involved in the conflict with the driver.
Bus drivers can be of two kinds - “Wildcats Or Jackass”. Oh, I forgot to mention one thing which is universal amongst the two is either they are colorblind or there is no such thing as “traffic signals” in their dictionary. Wait do they have a dictionary? Do they know what is it? Questions are arising, when are we gonna get the answers? Sorry India TV distracted me. Anyway back to the point, both of them are ready to pounce on any one abusing or even kindly blaming em’ for their mistake or asking them to apologize.
Moving on with the classification the “Wildcat” breed are the ones who don’t care whose on the street and you just need to sit back people and enjoy the ‘fright’. One good thing is that you literally zoom to your destination.
The Jackass breed, on the other hand, are the ones who know velocity to some extent but blank w.r.t. acceleration. You feel like getting down and pushing the bus even though knowing that you can’t. (At this time I wish that some lame-ass superhero would save the day) And then people start grumbling “Yeh kya bail-gaddi chala raha hai?” Unfortunately you can’t choose as such any one of the breeds. Even though they should paint the buses in different colors, black and white or something. You just have to pray that the driver you get is comparatively normal and of a good breed. I don’t get it why employ ‘hotheads’ & ‘wildcats’ to operate a mode of Public transport? Maybe because the government has a secret service which wants to reduce the population of India and then it can give ‘Roti, Kapda Makaan’ officaly to everyone.
YOUR EXPERIENCE MIGHT BE WORSE!
Credits : Written by Palak | Edited/Title-given by Jayesh.